How do your mornings with your kids typically start? What if you could begin each morning smoothly and with connection to your child?
When we see our children for the first time each day, we have such a beautiful opportunity to connect with them and start their day off well. I’m talking about that moment when we first see our kids after they wake up or as we wake them. Sometimes I’m out walking the dogs when my own kids get up, and it’s that initial, short moment when I see them for the first time that we have an opportunity to connect with them in a way that grows our relationship.
I remember a Facebook reel I saw years ago that I still remember today. It contrasted two different ways for a morning to start for a particular little boy. In the first way his Mom gave him a big hug. When he got on the school bus, the bus driver looked at him, said “Hey, Buddy!”, and gave him a high-five. When he got to class, his teacher called him by name and they did a funny handshake. By the time the school bell rang, he was emotionally settled and ready to learn.
In contrast to this first scenario, he wakes up and no one talks to him. Finally, someone in his home snaps at him. When he gets on the bus the driver barks, “Find a seat and sit down”. At school he walks past his teacher who is talking to someone else. He walks into the classroom with his head hanging and slowly hangs up his backpack. His body language shows that he feels down and unseen.
That reel impacted me because I realized that oftentimes we as Moms are the first person that our child sees in the morning, and we have such an unique opportunity to connect with them. To look them in the eyes and through our actions to say, “You MATTER to me”.
It’s easy to do this with babies. You peek over their crib, and they see you. Their little arms and legs start pumping. When they get a little older, they’re standing in the crib as you enter the room and they’re bouncing up and down, so excited. And then you have the toddler, preschool and elementary years which are full of lots of warm hugs. And then moving into middle and high school, it might look a little different. This is where knowing your child is so valuable.
For me it looks like this. With my elementary kids, I have this song that I’ve sung to them since they were little to the tune of “Happy Birthday”. It goes “Good Morning to you, good morning to you, good morning my sweetheart, good morning to you.” Nothing fancy, but we like it. And so it comes very naturally every morning for me to bend my knees, meet them eye to eye, and sing our little song and give a big hug. It feels very authentic and consistent in the best way. I can tell my girls have come to appreciate this habit because one morning I was busy in the kitchen and one girl snuck down. I didn’t see her lying on the couch until a voice said, “Mom?” Her tone said, “I’m awake…what do we do in the morning?” Obviously, if I sang this to my fourteen-year-old, it would feel pretty weird and childish. So our means of connecting grow with them.
There are so many ways to connect with our kids first thing in the morning and to communicate an answer to the big questions in life.
Where do I belong?
Does my life matter?
WE get to be the one in the morning to say “Yes! I love you and you matter to me.” Maybe it’s using words. Maybe it’s through a hug or a shake of the shoulder or touch on the arm. Three of my kids are huggers. One of them, I have to read the room….if she comes in for a hug, I love it. Sometimes she doesn’t want a hug. There are so many ways to start the morning off well.
I think the opportunity that we have with them is to begin their day with this relational, loving language and to save the transactional for just a moment. The “Hey, get up, brush your teeth, get your backpack”—that is going to come, and it has its place. But to stop for a moment and just connect in a way that feels real and authentic.
When I think about good beginnings, it reminds me of a book I used to read to my kids when they were little. It is called I Love It When You Smile by Sam McBratney. In the book, there is a mama kangaroo and her joey has just gotten up. He is very grumpy. The mama kangaroo tries to cheer him up in various ways, and he stays grumpy. I love the mama’s response because she doesn’t let his mood drag her down. She just goes on with her morning. When the mama tells the joey that it is time for breakfast, he says “I’m not hungry”. And she announces that she is hungry and marches down a hill. I think of that in terms of our reaction to our children first thing in the morning. We don’t have to let a bad mood derail us or drag us down. We can be intentionally loving first thing each morning, regardless of our child’s mood.
A word picture that comes to mind is a bouncy ball versus a Velcro ball. If my child is in a sour mood, I can treat it like a bouncy ball and let the comments and attitude bounce off me. I don’t have to let a bad attitude stick to me like a Velcro ball.
This idea of beginning each morning by lovingly connecting to our kids is not new to anyone, but I am just highlighting it because it is so important to our child’s well-being.
When I call my Dad, he is going to undoubtedly answer with warmth in his voice, “Hi, Julia!” I love it. It’s consistent, it’s genuine, and that is what we offer to our kids each morning.
Consistent and authentic “seeing” them.
I love this idea of a relational start to the day because it transcends time, it transcends culture and no matter what their day—or yours—turns out like, it’s a great way to begin!
